Post by f13ticket on Oct 19, 2008 14:45:44 GMT -5
I come to this board in seek of council and direction on a very real problem to me. My best friend is determined to sign up for the service. He wants to go into special forces and do para rescue. He told me that he has already taken and passed the tests needed to get in. From my understanding, all that remains is for him to sign up.
I personally do not believe in this war. However, that is not the point of this post. A strong point, however, is that he doesn't believe in this war either.
A lot of people join the service because they have nothing else going for them. They come from small towns, with crappy jobs, and they see this as the only way to make anything out of their lives. I can respect that because these are people taking responsibility for their lives and trying to make their lives better with the last real option left to them. But my friend isn't one of these people. He already has a job working on cars that will soon be paying him fifteen dollars an hour. He doesn't need to go into the service, he's intelligent and has told me that he is also considering going to college for electrical engineering.
Another reason a lot of people go to war is based on their personal convictions and beliefs. While I do not agree with those who want to fight this war, and in all honesty I would still petition against him going even now if he did, he does not believe in this war. But at least if he did, I could have respect for him for this decision.
So he's not going out of a patriotic call of duty to serve his country and his principles; and he's not going out of a call to responsibility based off of financial need. He's going because he, “wants to be a hero.” He's going because, “he wants an adventure.” And, he's going because he, “wants the training.” I personally think he's going because he's seen one too many recruiting films. He's looking at this unrealistically; as if it's some sort of game or adventure where he goes off for five years and becomes some hero. He's leaving for all the wrong reasons. He doesn't need this. He wants it. But not out of any reason that is humble or servicing. He wants it out of foolish pride and a wanton lust for adventure.
If he wants to travel he can save up money and go later in his life. He'll enjoy the sites a lot more when he's not risking death. If he wants to be a hero and help people, he can join a Church. He's a somewhat spiritual person, and I believe the Church would be a perfect place to teach him how to care about people and how to have leadership skills. He's a natural leader inside, but still shy on the outside. The Church would allow him to get face to face with people through service, food drives, and works like that. Through this, he's be able to help people in a real way here at home where he can be safe. If he wants adventure there is motorcycling, sports, rock climbing, jumping out of planes with parachutes here at home. Yes, these are somewhat dangerous; but they are are lot safer than someone TRYING to kill you. If he wants training, we live near a big city, there is no reason he can't start up again training in martial arts and other sports. Everything he wants to go into the service for he can get here at home, in a safe or safer way, and not have to leave his friends and family. He's looking for a quick fix and not thinking this out logically.
It is my firm belief that this is the biggest mistake of his life. I must admit that my motives here are not completely pure. I will miss him if he goes. And, to be honest, I love him and want him to go to college, move in with me, and start making a good life together. He even put the idea out there one day, saying that he would trust me to do my part in paying for things if we did. However, now he just keeps going on this rampaging tangent.
I have no disrespect for our troops. There are many good people who believe this war should be fought and are risking their lives for responsible and humble reasons. I feel my friend is being selfish, and is acting like some spoiled kid who just wants to get out of his parents' house and see the world so bad that he's willing to leave behind his friends and family and fight a war he doesn't even believe in to do this.
How do I convince him that this is a bad idea? How do I show him that he's doing this for the wrong reasons? I feel like I need to reach over and slap him, or shake him, or just scream at him. His Mom and myself are the only two people I know of who are openly against him going. His other friends kind of just bob their heads and agree with him. I don't know if they really do or not. They aren't enthusiastic in their support. I think they just don't want to offend him, so they're just going along with him. I feel like the little kid from, “The Emperor's New Cloths.” Like I have to be the honest one, outside of him family, to speak up and tell him how I really feel because no one else is telling him what he needs to hear.
My worst nightmare is that he's going to ignore his Mom and myself and go anyway. I don't know if he's really going to be able to handle it once he gets over there. Physically I think he probably will be, but psychologically, spiritually, and emotionally, I'm not too sure. He's a sweet and kind guy, and I think his head has been filled with delusions of grandeur, and I think he might loose it once the harsh reality of war actually kicks in. And, at that point, there is no, “Get out of Hell Free,” card. Then I won't be able to help him get back, and he'll be stuck there. I remember hearing stories of people from Vietnam and how shattered they were after the war. I remember hearing how horrible war can be, and how many sweet and good people are left turtled into themselves and shell shocked after seeing things nobody should ever have to see.
I've tried talking with him, and he won't listen to me. He knows I feel for him romantically, and I think he views that as tainting what I say to him. What should I say to him? Should I bring him in to talk to some war vets or something? I'm running out of ideas and options and I feel like I might be the only thing standing between him making a big mistake. Somebody please help me talk some sense into him before I loose him. Thank you.
I personally do not believe in this war. However, that is not the point of this post. A strong point, however, is that he doesn't believe in this war either.
A lot of people join the service because they have nothing else going for them. They come from small towns, with crappy jobs, and they see this as the only way to make anything out of their lives. I can respect that because these are people taking responsibility for their lives and trying to make their lives better with the last real option left to them. But my friend isn't one of these people. He already has a job working on cars that will soon be paying him fifteen dollars an hour. He doesn't need to go into the service, he's intelligent and has told me that he is also considering going to college for electrical engineering.
Another reason a lot of people go to war is based on their personal convictions and beliefs. While I do not agree with those who want to fight this war, and in all honesty I would still petition against him going even now if he did, he does not believe in this war. But at least if he did, I could have respect for him for this decision.
So he's not going out of a patriotic call of duty to serve his country and his principles; and he's not going out of a call to responsibility based off of financial need. He's going because he, “wants to be a hero.” He's going because, “he wants an adventure.” And, he's going because he, “wants the training.” I personally think he's going because he's seen one too many recruiting films. He's looking at this unrealistically; as if it's some sort of game or adventure where he goes off for five years and becomes some hero. He's leaving for all the wrong reasons. He doesn't need this. He wants it. But not out of any reason that is humble or servicing. He wants it out of foolish pride and a wanton lust for adventure.
If he wants to travel he can save up money and go later in his life. He'll enjoy the sites a lot more when he's not risking death. If he wants to be a hero and help people, he can join a Church. He's a somewhat spiritual person, and I believe the Church would be a perfect place to teach him how to care about people and how to have leadership skills. He's a natural leader inside, but still shy on the outside. The Church would allow him to get face to face with people through service, food drives, and works like that. Through this, he's be able to help people in a real way here at home where he can be safe. If he wants adventure there is motorcycling, sports, rock climbing, jumping out of planes with parachutes here at home. Yes, these are somewhat dangerous; but they are are lot safer than someone TRYING to kill you. If he wants training, we live near a big city, there is no reason he can't start up again training in martial arts and other sports. Everything he wants to go into the service for he can get here at home, in a safe or safer way, and not have to leave his friends and family. He's looking for a quick fix and not thinking this out logically.
It is my firm belief that this is the biggest mistake of his life. I must admit that my motives here are not completely pure. I will miss him if he goes. And, to be honest, I love him and want him to go to college, move in with me, and start making a good life together. He even put the idea out there one day, saying that he would trust me to do my part in paying for things if we did. However, now he just keeps going on this rampaging tangent.
I have no disrespect for our troops. There are many good people who believe this war should be fought and are risking their lives for responsible and humble reasons. I feel my friend is being selfish, and is acting like some spoiled kid who just wants to get out of his parents' house and see the world so bad that he's willing to leave behind his friends and family and fight a war he doesn't even believe in to do this.
How do I convince him that this is a bad idea? How do I show him that he's doing this for the wrong reasons? I feel like I need to reach over and slap him, or shake him, or just scream at him. His Mom and myself are the only two people I know of who are openly against him going. His other friends kind of just bob their heads and agree with him. I don't know if they really do or not. They aren't enthusiastic in their support. I think they just don't want to offend him, so they're just going along with him. I feel like the little kid from, “The Emperor's New Cloths.” Like I have to be the honest one, outside of him family, to speak up and tell him how I really feel because no one else is telling him what he needs to hear.
My worst nightmare is that he's going to ignore his Mom and myself and go anyway. I don't know if he's really going to be able to handle it once he gets over there. Physically I think he probably will be, but psychologically, spiritually, and emotionally, I'm not too sure. He's a sweet and kind guy, and I think his head has been filled with delusions of grandeur, and I think he might loose it once the harsh reality of war actually kicks in. And, at that point, there is no, “Get out of Hell Free,” card. Then I won't be able to help him get back, and he'll be stuck there. I remember hearing stories of people from Vietnam and how shattered they were after the war. I remember hearing how horrible war can be, and how many sweet and good people are left turtled into themselves and shell shocked after seeing things nobody should ever have to see.
I've tried talking with him, and he won't listen to me. He knows I feel for him romantically, and I think he views that as tainting what I say to him. What should I say to him? Should I bring him in to talk to some war vets or something? I'm running out of ideas and options and I feel like I might be the only thing standing between him making a big mistake. Somebody please help me talk some sense into him before I loose him. Thank you.
